Getting married without a parent who has died is one of the most quietly painful aspects of an otherwise joyful day. Many couples find that specific, intentional tributes help — they honour the absence without overwhelming the celebration. Here are the ways couples most commonly include a deceased parent in their wedding.
Buttonhole or Bouquet Charm
A small photograph tucked into a bouquet, or a locket attached to a buttonhole or bouquet stem, is a discreet tribute that appears in many of the day's photographs without requiring explanation to guests. It can be as private as the couple wishes — visible to them, potentially invisible to everyone else.
From a photography perspective, this is one of the most naturally documented tributes. A close-up of the bouquet with a visible locket becomes a meaningful keepsake photograph without being staged.
A Reserved Chair or Seat
Leaving a named, decorated chair at the ceremony — with a photograph, a flower, and a small card of explanation — is a visible tribute that invites the whole room to share in the acknowledgement. It's a significant moment when guests arrive and notice it; the sight of a reserved chair for someone who cannot be there can produce genuine emotion even in guests who didn't know the person.
Memory Table
A small table near the entrance to the ceremony or reception, dressed with photographs, a candle, and treasured personal items of the person who has died, creates a contemplative space for guests to acknowledge the absence privately. This is covered in more detail in the companion article on memorial table design.
Including Them in the Ceremony
Mentioning a deceased parent explicitly in the ceremony — in a reading, in the officiant's preamble, or in your own vows — is the most direct tribute. Some couples find this healing; others find it too emotionally exposing for a public setting. Both responses are entirely valid.
Carrying Something of Theirs
Wearing or carrying something that belonged to the person — a piece of jewellery, a fabric square from a favourite shirt tucked inside a jacket, a handkerchief — is entirely private. Only you know it's there. For many people, this is exactly what they want.
Briefing the Photographer
Tell your photographer about any tributes you've included. Knowing that the locket in the bouquet contains a photograph of your mother allows the photographer to make a deliberate, beautiful image of it. Not knowing means it's likely never photographed at all.
I photograph the small tributes with the same care as the big moments.
Tell me who you're honouring and how — I'll make sure those details are documented. Get in touch about your wedding.
